TITLE: “Epic Fail: A Superhero’s Brother Tells All.”
OVERVIEW: Epic Man, as the public has never seen him, as only his brother knows him, in a warts-and-all memoir. Heavy on the warts.
PROMOTION ANGLE: Christina Crawford’s “Mommie Dearest” meets Lisa Brennan-Jobs’s “Small Fry,” but with Comic-Con interest.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Conway W***** (Author’s full name redacted to protect brother’s secret identity.) (Can’t even use my own damn name!) is a freelance dogwalker and life coach, four weeks sober. …
This was my first visit to Casablanca, which is a lot like Hoboken with Moorish arches. All anyone talks about here is getting to Lisbon, so that should give you a clue. My concierge suggested Rick’s Café. The frontman is “Rick Blaine,” which must be an alias. He’s the guy playing chess alone, with both white and black pieces. Forget the war, he can’t even pick a side in chess. BTW: Rick’s is along the flight path of a nearby airfield, and the constant roar overhead makes it tough to negotiate an exit visa.
2000 B.C.’s most exciting device!
Hi, everyone. Derek here. Guess what just arrived at my door? The brand-new, third-generation wheel from the folks in Mesopotamia. Yes, the “3” is in the building! But before we get to the unboxing and review, a wee bit of background.
Mesopotamia’s first wheel — the stone potter’s wheel — was released in 4000 B.C., and shook up the Copper Age. Right off, hobbyists began hacking it for transport, but four of ’em made for a clunky cart … and lots of broken axles!
Well, the Sumerians were listening. Before you could say 3500 B.C…
West Third Street, near Orlando, 2:00 PM-ish, Friday, June 5.
Me: LA guy, rushing out of Magnolia, carrying large box of cupcakes. I was the one wearing the blue, three-ply paper face mask with ear loops and matching CVS Nitrile Exam Gloves.
You: Tall, slim, long legs, striding in my direction. Rocking a black, silky face mask (so sexy), a Dodgers cap, and long, flowing blonde curls. I think you were a woman. Not sure, my glasses were fogged.
You have a cute button nose. I could see its shape under your mask. Below the nose, I’m guessing, a mouth…
It Might Have All Turned Out So Differently
Curtis Sittenfeld’s novel “Rodham” makes the case that history would have been different if Hillary Clinton hadn’t married Bill.
Donald John Trump was born June 14, 1946, the fourth of five children. He did not grow up to be the first president in history impeached during his first term in office.
Donald was a defiant child and troublemaker. His father planned to pack him off to a military boarding school. His mother wouldn’t allow it. So, the Trumps kept Donald at home and filled him with love and nurturing. …
Ottinger’s Supermarket — This Week’s Specials
Plush Tush Extra-Soft Toilet Paper — It’s like cashmere on a roll. Package of 12 Double-Size Rolls, $11.99. (OUT OF STOCK)
Farmer Bubba’s Thick Cut Premium Bacon — That greasy bacon smell on steroids! An “F” rating from the American Heart Association, 5 straight years. (OUT OF STOCK)
Granny May’s Crunchy Fried Chicken — Double fried for double flavor. Family size bucket, $5 — as many buckets as you want. (OUT OF STOCK)
HygieniZap Disinfecting Wipes — Kills 99.9% of anything that could remotely harm you! All Natural. 500 wet wipes. $13.99 …
It was the summer of Watergate. The Senate panel held forth from every television. Sam Ervin: “That’s not executive privilege, that’s executive poppycock!” Howard Baker: “What did the President know and when did he know it?” Fred Thompson: “Mr. Butterfield, were you aware of the existence of any listening devices in the Oval Office of the President?” But for me, it was the summer of that other dais, the Dean Martin Celebrity Roast.
On the air since ’64 and heading into its ninth season, Dean’s one-hour variety show was fraying — and not just at the edges. At 58, Dino…
Writer for David Letterman and Johnny Carson. His screen credits, with Jim Mulholland, include Bad Boys, Oscar, and Amazon Women on the Moon. WGA Award winner.