Ottinger’s Supermarket — This Week’s Specials

Plush Tush Extra-Soft Toilet Paper — It’s like cashmere on a roll. Package of 12 Double-Size Rolls, $11.99. (OUT OF STOCK)

Farmer Bubba’s Thick Cut Premium Bacon — That greasy bacon smell on steroids! An “F” rating from the American Heart Association, 5 straight years. (OUT OF STOCK)

Granny May’s Crunchy Fried Chicken — Double fried for double flavor. Family size bucket, $5 — as many buckets as you want. (OUT OF STOCK)

HygieniZap Disinfecting Wipes — Kills 99.9% of anything that could remotely harm you! All Natural. 500 wet wipes. $13.99 (OUT OF STOCK)

ChippyChunk Cookies — Twice the chips, twice the cookies, half the price! $7.99 for a 3-pound sack. (OUT OF STOCK)

Heavenly Daze Fudgy Swirl Ice Cream — Butterfat, butterfat, butterfat, fudge, butterfat. Some preservatives, but they don’t go crazy. Available in one-gallon tubs only. $10.95 (OUT OF STOCK)

Snowdrift Marshmallow Fluff — Depressed? Take two tablespoonsful as needed. 100% synthetic and delicious. $2.99/30 oz. jar. (OUT OF STOCK)

Ottinger’s 100-proof Cask-Aged Vodka — Made in China, but does the job. Two-Liter Jug/$9.99 Goes nicely with Ottinger’s Pulp-Free Florida Orange Juice, 6 cans/$4.99 (BOTH ITEMS OUT OF STOCK)

Krunkles Krispy Potato Chips — Face it, you’re hypertense anyway. Besides, the jury’s still out on salt. Big-Big Bag, $8 (OUT OF STOCK)

Dr. Pop’s Cherry Cola — What it lacks in name recognition, it makes up for in empty calories. Case of twelve 12-oz. bottles, $14. Comes with 20% off on box of glucose test strips. (OUT OF STOCK)